I was ten years old when my mother decided she didn’t want to be a mother anymore.
Not because she was dead.
Not because she was in prison.
Not because she was forced.
Because she was tired.
That was the part that stayed with me the longest.
I remember sitting in a social worker’s office with a coloring book I didn’t want. The crayons were worn down and dull. The room smelled like cheap coffee and disinfectant.
My mom sat across from me, arms folded, staring at the wall like she was waiting for a bus.
The social worker spoke gently.
“Are you sure this is what you want, Linda?”
My mother didn’t hesitate.
“I can’t do this anymore. I want my life back.”
She glanced at me—just once.
No tears.
No shaking voice.
No apology.
Just a tired, distant look. Like I was something heavy she’d been carrying too long.
“Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” she said.
That was the last thing she ever said to me as my mother.
Then she signed a paper… and walked out.
I waited for her to come back.
She never did.
Foster Care Taught Me What It Feels Like to Be Unwanted
The system didn’t beat me.
It didn’t starve me.
It did something worse.
It taught me I was disposable.
By thirteen, I’d lived in four different homes.
Some were fine.
Some were loud and chaotic.
Some had rules so strict it felt like jail.
In one house, the foster mom called me “the burden” when she thought I couldn’t hear.
In another, they locked the fridge at night.
You learn fast not to get attached.
Because in foster care, people don’t say goodbye.
They just move you.
And after a while, you stop asking why.
I Tried to Forget Her
At eighteen, I aged out of the system with a trash bag of clothes and a thin folder of documents.
That was it.
No parents waiting.
No family dinner.
No congratulations.
Just a caseworker shaking my hand like I was checking out of a hotel.
I worked whatever jobs I could get. Grocery store. Warehouse. Late-night diner shifts.
I went to community college part-time. I kept my head down.
I didn’t date much.
Didn’t trust easily.
But I built a life.
A small apartment.
A steady paycheck.
A quiet routine.
It wasn’t glamorous.
But it was mine.
And for the first time, I wasn’t begging anyone to stay.
Then My Phone Rang
I was twenty-seven when the call came.
Unknown number.
I almost ignored it.
But something in me—something I hated—answered anyway.
A weak, breathless voice spoke.
“Is this… Maya?”
My heart stopped.
Nobody called me that anymore. Not like that.
I knew before she said her name.
It was my mother.
She sounded older than she should’ve. Like life had finally collected its debt.
“I know you probably don’t want to hear from me,” she whispered. “But… I’m sick.”
I didn’t speak.
“I don’t have anyone else,” she said. “I’m alone. I need help.”
After seventeen years of silence…
After erasing me like a mistake…
Now she needed me.
And the worst part?
The first thing I felt wasn’t anger.
It was sadness.
Because no matter how much I tried to bury it… part of me still wanted a mother.
I Let Her Come Live With Me
Two days later, she stood in my doorway.
She looked nothing like the woman who left me.
Gray hair. Sunken face. Shaking hands.
She carried one worn leather bag and a plastic grocery sack.
She didn’t hug me.
She didn’t apologize.
She walked in like she still belonged.
I gave her my bed and slept on the couch. Cooked her meals. Drove her to appointments.
I paid her prescriptions. Her phone bill. Her medical debt.
She watched TV all day. Mostly silent. Only spoke when she wanted something.
She never asked about my life.
Never asked where I grew up.
Never asked what foster care did to me.
Never asked if I cried myself to sleep wondering why I wasn’t enough.
She never said the words I waited my whole childhood to hear:
I’m sorry.
And still… I took care of her.
Because I told myself maybe this was my chance to be better than her.
The End Came Quietly
Three months later, she declined fast.
Couldn’t stand.
Couldn’t eat.
Couldn’t breathe without coughing.
The doctors said “terminal” like it was routine.
I stayed by her hospital bed anyway.
One night, the nurse stepped out. The room went still.
My mother turned her head toward me.
“Maya…”
I leaned in.
“What?”
She swallowed, like the words hurt.
“Check my bag.”
That was it.
No goodbye.
No apology.
No love.
She died less than an hour later.
I Almost Didn’t Look
The bag sat in the corner of the hospital room.
That same worn leather bag.
I stared at it for a long time.
Part of me wanted to throw it away unopened. Let her secrets die with her.
But eventually, I unzipped it.
Inside were clothes. Old receipts.
And at the bottom…
An envelope.
My name written on it.
Inside was a letter.
Shaking hands. Uneven ink.
