I never thought I’d be in this position.
My husband and I have been happily married for ten years. We both work full-time—he works from home, I work at the office—and six months ago, we welcomed our beautiful baby girl, Katie. She’s healthy, happy, and the center of our world.
When my mother-in-law retired recently, she offered to watch Katie while we worked. It felt like a blessing. Daycare is expensive, and trusting a stranger with your baby is terrifying. We gratefully accepted.
To be fair, she’s wonderful with Katie. Truly wonderful. She doesn’t just watch her—she plays with her, sings to her, takes care of her like she’s the most precious thing in the world. On top of that, she washes dishes, cooks meals, and tidies the house. I’ve appreciated her help more than I can say.
Until yesterday.
We sat down for what I thought was a normal conversation. Instead, she calmly asked if we could start paying her an hourly rate.
I was stunned.
Payment? For time with her own granddaughter?
It felt wrong—like putting a price tag on love. When I was little, my grandmother watched my sister and me for hours without ever asking for a dime. She did it because she loved us. I babysat my younger siblings for free too. That’s what family does… isn’t it?
I left that conversation angry and confused. How could she ask for money to spend time with Katie?
But my husband sees it differently. He says that if his mom weren’t helping us, we’d be paying a daycare or a nanny—likely much more. He believes her time has value, just like anyone else’s. He says retirement doesn’t mean she owes us free labor.
And now it’s causing tension between us.
I can’t shake the feeling that something sacred has been commercialized. At the same time, I can’t ignore the reality that she’s giving up her freedom five days a week. She’s essentially working full-time hours caring for our child—and helping with the house.
I feel torn between principle and practicality.
Am I being unreasonable? Is she?
I don’t want resentment to grow on either side. I don’t want this to damage my marriage. But I also can’t ignore how hurt and shocked I felt in that moment.
I’m stuck.
What would you do?
